2024 10 21

Eve of Funeral Potatoes in the kitchen at Moonflower. Chicago, Illinois. July, 2024. © Clayton Hauck

Lately I’ve been doing too much. Or, better put, I’ve been trying to do too much. Spreading myself too thin. The blog has suffered as a result, nearly missing some days and putting in bare minimum effort others. I’ve missed writing my Morning Pages more days than not. I find I’m most successful in life when I focus my attention into one or two things. This blog isn’t a thing because I’m trying to make it into a business, but it is a thing because I’m using it to focus my attention on something. Get my thoughts down onto digital paper. And to keep me motivated to make and share new images. It has been successful at times and less so at others.

There are a few more in-depth posts I will make a priority to share this week when I’m not busy doing my “real” jobs. Today, we are filming a documentary project as part of my slow and reluctant pivot towards video. Wednesday I am photographing a different project. Otherwise I am printing, working on art, working on a book shop, a bar, a creative studio, studio managing, event planning, life planning, invoicing, catching up on my personal life. It’s all too much, really. I’m starting to get the sense that if I continue to try and carry all of these bags, I’m going to drop them.

We recently lost a few photography jobs because we were too expensive. Today, we took a call with a prospective client who is looking for someone cheaper than their existing long-term photographer partner. It all feels a bit too on the nose. It’s like life is delivering me a clear choice and I need to decide which path I will go down. Work for less or work less.

Allison & I had a very nice dinner at Houndstooth last week. While the food was delicious, my biggest takeaway was how calm and orderly the kitchen prepared our food while we sat and watched at the chef’s counter. It was inspiring! It made me dream of a life so structured and orderly… being able to do something you’re passionate about in a calm and sustaining manner. But as is always the case in life, there’s so much more going on behind the scenes, for the better and for the worse, in order to be able to get to a place of such stability.

-Clayton

2024 09 02

Mr Peepers in the window. Chicago, Illinois. April, 2024. © Clayton Hauck

It’s been a while since I’ve done a Life Update Monday. I figured it might be interested (to me, perhaps) to reply to my previous Life Update Monday (2024 07 08), as seen below in the bullet points.

• My commercial photography career continues along at unsustainable levels, causing me to continue to consider new career options (fine art photography? full-time motion directing? bar ownership?). Yes, I’m keeping quite busy on hospitality jobs and smaller projects, but the big budget jobs are less and less frequent. Something needs to change (I hope it’s more work!).

Fortunately, work has been very constant in the last two months. I’ve had two large commercial projects and a bunch of smaller stuff. I nearly booked a third even larger project, which would’ve made my year, but they ended up chosing the other photographer (it was down to the final two — I think my really thoughtful treatment helped almost win me the job…and writing here every day helped me with the treatment… etc, etc).

• The photo studio has been more stable (profitable, even!) lately, but I’m not yet optimistic this will consistently be the case moving forward (again, commercial projects have been way less frequent among photographers I know, myself included). I really love the studio space and want to make it work, but the amount of my time required just to get it breakeven is also not sustainable. Again, something needs to change (I hope it’s more work!).

I still love the space and it’s still a lot of work. It has also been continuing along at a busy pace. Last week was a nice example of what I’m aiming for the studio to be: I was out of town on work all week yet the space was busy with castings much of the week. Next week will also be a nice example of what I want the studio to be as there will be two great events happening! More on those below…

• While the big jobs are not going on, I spent the last week and a half diving deep into the world of portrait photography via my “Keep it 100” setups. I’m learning a lot and it’s actually been quite interesting, exciting even, to feel like I’m starting all over again and hustling for clients. Very much re-learning to appreciate every single dollar I earn through photography. Definitely planning to write more in depth about all this in the coming days.

I’m really looking forward to doing another round of “Keep it 100” portraits and have been scheming on other things I could do with it, like take it on the road perhaps. While in Pittsburgh a few days ago I kept an eye out for potential places I might be able to partner with for a limited run of dates. Need to think on this some more!

• I’d been planning to document both the RNC and DNC, however, stupidly had the wrong dates on my calendar and my one week of vacation in the Wisconsin Northwoods falls on the same dates as the RNC being held in Milwaukee, so I will likely miss most of all of it. Kind of annoyed about it but also really need to give myself some time off as I’ve been pushing myself way too hard lately. Still hoping to cover the DNC, which might be an absolute shit show. Politics are very depressing lately, but this might be one of the larger stories of our lifetime.

The political photo summer I’d been imagining never materialized. They have these things so locked down, though, it didn’t really have a chance from what my brain was imagining. We did, however, do a really fun DNC-adjacent event at the studio so I’m considering it a win.

• Had my first tarot card reading yesterday. It was surprisingly apt in its assessment.

Had my second tarot card reading two days ago! It, too, was a surprisingly accurate in its assessment. I realize there’s an angle to these things but I appreciate it gets you thinking about stuff you want to be thinking about.

• I started reading/doing The Artist’s Way after finally finishing the 640 page The Big Store, which was inspired by this previous post: 2024 03 29. I should do a book review or followup post.

Still working on The Artist’s Way and still keeping up with my morning pages most days (not all days, need to change that but have been too busy). Also, I did write a review of The Big Store (see: 2024 07 17)! Since then, I listened to the audiobook of Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir and have started the audiobook of The Wandering Earth by Cixin Liu which I am loving and wanted to do a review on Project Hail Mary, which I very much enjoyed the concept of (Wandering Earth is similar but maybe even better!).

• I booked my favorite musician (David Dondero) to play a show at the studio September 9th. Save the date! More info to come!

This show is happening a week from today! Monday, September 9th from 7-10pm at my See You Soon space. You should definitely come out, it will be a nice night!

• Now that this blog has been populated quite a lot, I’m getting rather annoyed at Squarespace’s rather minimal (bad) handling of blogs. This platform is not really designed for intensive writing or bulk posting. A search bar would be great! If only those had been invented.

Still annoyed with squarespace and they are not getting any better. I’m legit wondering if I should migrate the entire site elsewhere after a year.

• Can you tell I’m stressed about money these days? While that does suck, I’ve been quite high on life otherwise and feeling great about most everything else! Money stress is never fun but I continue to tell myself it’s just money and we’ll figure it out.

Still stressed about money but less so (working helps a lot, it turns out!). Also, the stress largely stems from how much we are spending on our wedding, which is now less than two weeks away! I’m leaning that anything wedding-related is expensive in large part because of the psychology of weddings. It’s only money, afterall, and the love of your partner and family and friends is far more important, so you tend to just let it all slide and plan to worry about it later.

This has been a Life Update Update. Thank you for being here.

-Clayton

2024 07 08

Night drive through Nashville, Tennessee. April, 2024. © Clayton Hauck

Another Monday so it’s time for another Life Update post, in no clear order:

• My commercial photography career continues along at unsustainable levels, causing me to continue to consider new career options (fine art photography? full-time motion directing? bar ownership?). Yes, I’m keeping quite busy on hospitality jobs and smaller projects, but the big budget jobs are less and less frequent. Something needs to change (I hope it’s more work!).

• The photo studio has been more stable (profitable, even!) lately, but I’m not yet optimistic this will consistently be the case moving forward (again, commercial projects have been way less frequent among photographers I know, myself included). I really love the studio space and want to make it work, but the amount of my time required just to get it breakeven is also not sustainable. Again, something needs to change (I hope it’s more work!).

• While the big jobs are not going on, I spent last last week and a half diving deep into the world of portrait photography via my “Keep it 100” setups. I’m learning a lot and it’s actually been quite interesting, exciting even, to feel like I’m starting all over again and hustling for clients. Very much re-learning to appreciate every single dollar I earn through photography. Definitely planning to write more in depth about all this in the coming days.

• I’d been planning to document both the RNC and DNC, however, stupidly had the wrong dates on my calendar and my one week of vacation in the Wisconsin Northwoods falls on the same dates as the RNC being held in Milwaukee, so I will likely miss most of all of it. Kind of annoyed about it but also really need to give myself some time off as I’ve been pushing myself way too hard lately. Still hoping to cover the DNC, which might be an absolute shit show. Politics are very depressing lately, but this might be one of the larger stories of our lifetime.

• Had my first tarot card reading yesterday. It was surprisingly apt in its assessment.

• I started reading/doing The Artist’s Way after finally finishing the 640 page The Big Store, which was inspired by this previous post: 2024 03 29. I should do a book review or followup post.

• I booked my favorite musician (David Dondero) to play a show at the studio September 9th. Save the date! More info to come!

• Now that this blog has been populated quite a lot, I’m getting rather annoyed at Squarespace’s rather minimal (bad) handling of blogs. This platform is not really designed for intensive writing or bulk posting. A search bar would be great! If only those had been invented.

• Can you tell I’m stressed about money these days? While that does suck, I’ve been quite high on life otherwise and feeling great about most everything else! Money stress is never fun but I continue to tell myself it’s just money and we’ll figure it out.

-Clayton

2024 06 17

This boot is made for kickin’. Nashville, Tennessee. April, 2024. © Clayton Hauck

Life Update: it’s finally happened. I’ve become the bitter old-guy photographer I always used to cringe at.

I had an idea while running downtown the other day: become wildly rich and get a condo in the newly renovated Tribune Tower. Not needing to worry about money any longer, I could continue posting to this blog daily while spending my nights downstairs at Billy Goat Tavern cosplaying as a poor person with influence. Like an old newspaperman. Someone people pay attention to. Maybe I’ll even pick up a cigar habbit.

Major corporations are now ashamed of appearing rich, so attempt to hide it to not to infuriate the unequal masses (us). The flagship Apple Store on Michigan Avenue is both wildly expensive, constructed of load-bearing glass walls, yet nearly invisible to any passerby not looking for it. Part of their aesthetic is to be so minimal you forget they have access to quite literally everything you do or think.

Perhaps they are learning from history. Sears built the world’s largest skyscraper on the other side of town, dominant and imposing, at the height of their success, and then immediately began to fail, in small part because it changed people’s perspective of the store. Customers previously thought Sears was local and based somewhere near them, not off in some fancy Chicago tower. Apple’s headquarters, meanwhile, is a lowrise fortified structure hiding out in one of California’s wealthiest suburbs — out of sight.

I’ve always been ashamed of having money and owning a house largely because I know most of my fellow photographer colleagues don’t. It’s a struggle out here and I’ve been fortunate (while also busting by ass and neglecting most normal-people life decisions in the process to get where I am). These days, I too am reverting to the mean. Bigger jobs are happening far less frequently and smaller jobs are paying increasingly less money. My editorial portrait cover shoot this week will pay me roughly what my monthly health insurance premium payment equals.

Recently, I learned that one established photographer I know, who shoots top tier commercial ad campaigns, also works twenty hours a week at Starbucks simply so he can get health insurance, thus saving him thousands of dollars, but of course taking away much of his time and making him exhausted in the process. At least he has ample access to coffee? These tradeoffs are becoming increasingly necessary and I’m finding myself seeing the logic in landing a similar job for similar reasons, just because it makes sense compared to what I’m doing now.

The really young photographers have no idea photography used to be a career! One that they could’ve made a livable wage doing. Now it’s more of a hobby that might occasionally pay a couple hundred bucks. Still, I consider myself fortunate for making a go of it during a window of time where it was possible to do so. Hopefully, things pick back up again and I look back at this post next year and laugh. You gotta stay positive.

Nearly every time I tell a stranger I’m a photographer, they say: oh like events and weddings? I always used to be offended by this but I probably should’ve taken it more as a warning sign. The idea that people could be paid well to make photos of anything beyond documenting a live event now seems increasingly crazy. Even Adobe is trying to cut us out (“skip the photo shoot!”), likely as payback for every photographer stealing their software for years.

Lately, photography feels like that sport where two people slap each other as hard as they can. People love that sport! You gotta stay positive.

Over the weekend, we were enjoying brunch at the bar and I was hypothetically discussing what job I could get with no college degree or experience in any line of work. Suddenly — out of nowhere — another local photographer popped into frame from behind the bar to say hello! “Bartending is steady work, consistent money, and it doesn’t pay net thirty, net sixty, net six months,” he joked in that dead-inside way all of us professional photographers understand at a gut level.

Anyway, back to thinking about how I can become wildly wealthy and move into my fancy Tribune Towner condo, looking down on the world. You gotta stay positive!

-Clayton

2024 06 10

Mr Peepers. Nashville, Tennessee. April, 2024. © Clayton Hauck

It’s another Monday Life Update. Not too much to report on this week, which is fine. It’s a bit more healthy compared to my more frantic update last week, which even had my mom worried about my mental health. Sure, I still to have quite a lot on my mind, but perhaps it’s a bit more focused, namely:

• We began production on a documentary film project. It’s still very early days and this project may or may not go anywhere (managing expectations), but we do have quite a lot of ideas on where to take it and we do now have one day of filming in the can, as they (used) to say. I still need to watch the footage and grade myself. Still learning new gear and how to record sound, etc.

• Still planning this wedding. Eleven tables are scheduled to be delivered any minute now. We spent the weekend figuring out our registry list. It won’t end until September.

• I picked up a Murakami book (After Dark) at a used sale while out getting coffee because a) I’ve been meaning to read more of him and b) I’m legitimately considering the idea of opening a bar, which he is (perhaps weirdly) someone I reference in my brain whenever this idea pops up. The writing is good and reminds me that I need to read more print, as I’ve been doing Audiobooks almost exclusively lately, often while running. Plus I’d love to go to Japan but don’t see that happening in real life soon, so at least I can take a trip in my head.

• Speaking of running: I had a crazy idea that I wanted to hit a marathon-length run before my September wedding date. Considering I am not in fantastic physical shape currently, this idea is quite unrealistic. I’ve scaled back my ambition to a half marathon.

• I’m being reminded how time consuming and involved video post production is. This was literally my job after college and I strayed from it for this exact reason. I need to discover a healthy and balanced relationship between shooting, which I love, and editing, which I feel like I can only either obsessively dive into or completely shun. It’s a work-in-progress.

• Lastly, this bar situation I’ve been subtly mentioning. Opening a bar has long been an idea which I’ve thought about. In my older years, the idea has faded as the realization of how much damn hard work it would be has taken hold. When you’re younger, you think of the upsides more than the darker realities. When you’re older, the time consumed doing the bullshit required tends to make you have second thoughts about everything.

  What’s crazy, though, is that my industry is in a bit of turmoil lately and most people I talk to have been siding with the idea of opening a bar over the idea of being a photographer. I’d been thinking I was greedy to even have these thoughts, but the amount of people who share my views, and have encouraged them, has been quite eye opening. I feel like a longer post about the state of commercial photography is in order. It’s complicated and complex, but the overall vibe on the streets these days is not a healthy one and something needs to change.

-Clayton

2024 06 03

Gull sizes me up, overlooking Lake Michigan. Chicago, Illinois. April, 2024.

Another Monday, another Life Update:

• I can’t believe I am saying this but I think I might be starting a podcast. Yes, I’m ten years late. No, I’m not doing it for the fame or to make money or to grow a following. Much like this blog, if it does happen it will be for personal growth and as a creative outlet. Hell, I may not even tell anyone it exists.

• Planning a wedding continues to be time consuming as all hell. It is starting to feel like this entire year will be spent on this wedding. I don’t quite understand how this is possible.

• I’m falling behind on my ambitions to be photographing an art photobook. Finding the time to get out and shoot and explore is proving to be more of a challenge than I expected, largely becuase

• Running a studio is also time consuming. The good news is there have been more bookings lately so the space has been more of a net positive, financially speaking, which is good because

• Commercial photo projects have been significantly slower this year. It’s beginning to weigh on me as it’s now June and things don’t feel like they are picking up much. I’m hearing a similar opinion from basically every other photographer I ask about it. Maybe I should open a bar? The good news is

• Smaller shoots are still happening. I did a fun cocktail photo job last week along with a motion piece on Meadowlark which is now going thru the post-production process. Video is a ton of work and requires collaboration with others. On that note

• I’m shooting two more video projects this week (one test, one exploratory documentary project) as I continue to pivot more into doing motion work. This has me pretty excited and I’ve been watching a silly amount of camera and gear videos on youtube to get myself up to speed on what technology is available these days.

-Clayton

2024 05 20

The moon above my backyard bald cypress tree. Chicago, Illinois. April, 2024. © Clayton Hauck

My bald cypress tree… Can a tree really belong to someone? I think not. But I do love and care for this tree as if it was my own child. Watching Baldee grow up has brought joy to my life. I kid (a little) but being a man without a human kid or (currently) dog or cat or hampster to care for, you take the love where you can get it.

Anyway. It’s Life Update Monday!

Life Updates:

• Becoming a “portrait photographer” is way more challenging than I ever would’ve guessed. Convincing people to pay you money for them to come to your studio to stand in front of your camera is no easy task.

• That said, I’m learning and making progress and having some fun with it as well! Ted Talk coming soon…

• …actually, I’ve been kinda wanting to write more honest thoughts about the backside of the photography business. Numbers, paperwork, production, etc. Is this something anyone wants to see? Am I just opening up a can of worms I will regret? Leave a comment!

• Blog comments: nobody leaves them and it’s making me feel like I’m speaking into the void. I understand why nobody blogs anymore and everyone tweets or X’es or whatever-you-call-it-now. Instant gratification is a nasty beast.

• I’m photographing two projects this week that should be both challenging and interesting. One is motion! One is studio cocktails in a style I’ve not previously explored. I’m also exploring different lighting approaches in both (namely, continuous lights vs strobes).

• The studio is a full-time job and something I should also write a bit more about. Lots of lessons learned over the last 2-3 years. The last few months it has been cashflow positive, which is obviously nice but is not always the case (nor was I expecting it to be, however, I was expecting it to be easier in almost every other way than it has been).

• Weather is nice. I’m jinxing it but why haven’t there been mosquitos yet??? Did we bioengineer them away? The last few years in Chicago they’ve been terrible and so far this year I’m not sure I’ve even seen one. I’m sure they are coming, but damn, it’s been real nice.

• Printing! I haven’t had time to get too into it yet, but, damn! The first few prints I’ve made (I’ve only been testing paper samples so far with the same image) have really lit a fire under my ass. I’m optimistic it will unlock a whole new perspective on what photography even is, to me. More on that soon.

-Clayton

2024 05 13

Buddy the dog being timid at the bar. Chicago, Illinois. October, 2023. © Clayton Hauck

It’s common sense, but interesting to me, how without experiencing something firsthand you tend to not notice it happening all around you. I’ve never been a dog owner in my forty plus years on earth and it was only recently that I learned, while watching dogs for friends, that a dog will tuck its tail firmly between its legs when sensing trouble. This is not a profound realization by any stretch, but now that I know it, I notice it all the time.

It was never a goal to make this blog a personal life update space, but perhaps a weekly check-in might be useful? Let’s give it a shot, since I don’t have anything else lined up.

Life Updates (in no particular order):

• My buddy (and owner of Buddy the dog) Mr. Kenneth Yoder is screening his feature-length documentary tonight at Consignment Lounge. It’s picture lock, he claims, so maybe this beast is finally in the can. I give him shit, because the project has dragged on for years, but I am super proud of him! (UPDATE: he really elevated this thing from the working edit I saw last year. Nice work, dude! You made something really worthwhile)

• I might (might!) be venturing down the path of becoming a documentarian myself. More on this later.

• Planning a wedding is stressful.

• I now own a “pro” printer and will be spending much time in the coming weeks learning to make (and possibly even sell?!) really quality photo prints.

• Planning a wedding is expensive.

• I’m doing a photo show in my studio with a cool photographer later this year. More info on that as it becomes official.

• I’m planning to document both the DNC and RNC, for myself, both in words and images. I have no special access and this might be a challenge. Also, if a fancy commercial project comes up, I’ll prob skip it and take the money. Sorry, it’s politics.

• Planning a wedding is time consuming.

• I have another great idea for a group photo show I’m hoping to host at my space later this year. More on that later.

• I now have some prints showing at the Kimball Arts Center, where my studio is located.

• Even when you “win” in the stock market, you often lose. I’ve been buying stock in this website (Squarespace) because I think longer term the company will be at least 5x what it’s currently valued at. Apparently, a private equity firm agreed with me and bought the company for slightly more than its current valuation, meaning I will no longer have access to further financial gains via an increase in stock price. Back to bitcoin, I go.

• Planning a wedding sucks, but the wedding will be awesome and my partner is even more awesome, so it’s all worth it!

-Clayton