2024 06 23
Busted flat in Atlanta, Georgia. May, 2024. © Clayton Hauck
It’s summer raining out, which is lovely. We just got back from food at cocktails at the bar. I’m figuring out the next few months. Many things to do. A wedding, for example. Documenting life. Opening a bar, perhaps? Running a studio in a constant state of disrepair. Yes, my brain is everywhere these days.
My parents, lovely as they are, are also older folks who don’t fully understand the value of money these days. Things are expensive. I tell my mom Biden may not be president soon because things are expensive. She doesn’t understand how it’s possible that a hotel room costs as much as it does; how a wedding photographer costs as much as it does. Her son is a photographer, yet the numbers don’t make sense from her perspective. If only she knew what I pay in rent each month.
These things weigh on me, too. Why I’m busting my butt so hard just to make it to another day. As you get older, the pulling yourself up by the bootstraps gets harder. The straps are frayed and your arms are sweaty and weak and you’re a bit drunk to numb the pain, so you forget to tug one day, then another.
The car sits outside, collecting dust. The tire goes flat. The oil dries out. Problems compound and transform into an insurmountable task. Better to forget it exists and put it out of your head. In a few more days time, you’ll have the capacity to deal with it, you tell yourself. The days come and go. More excuses pile up and it becomes easier to bury them deeper than to confront them.
Upstairs, your partner yells to make sure you didn’t doze off on the couch as you typically might. The rain tapping rhythmically doesn’t help. The buzzing alerts on your phone and computer and watch take your focus away.
I think the biggest trick in life is maintaining focus, despite the constant distractions. Finding the flow state and living in it as long as you can. Obviously, this will create other problems for you, such as automobile maintenance and relationship stability. Off to bed, I go.
-Clayton
