2025 03 26

The city at night. Chicago, Illinois. February, 2025. © Clayton Hauck

Recently I was downtown for an event and afterward, I made an effort to wander a bit. The streets were eerily silent. I dipped into Billy Goat for a burger and a beer along with the three or four other humans (more staff than guests) who seemed to be out, for whatever reason, either running away or towards something.

A great idea then struck my brain: I would get a scooter and ride home like the wind. This led me astray in search of one when the big lights in the distance caught my eyes. “Hooter’s,” it said. Not yet having my fill of adventure, and recalling the news of the likely demise of yet another fine American establishment, I stepped in.

“Seat at the bar okay?” I asked the greeter (again, more staff than guests), and she motioned me inward. The wings came soon after and boy did I wonder why the joint wasn’t full of customers enjoying them. These things are delicious! I kicked myself for being too timid to frequent Hooter’s all my life for the wings alone.

I left as they were locking up. The man alone at the bar turned out to be an undercover security guard or manager, as I suspected (more staff than guests). I guess everyone gets their wings delivered to them from some other chain these days?

Across the street sat a fully charged scooter glowing in the darkness with my name on it. I rode like the wind just as I’d imagined I would, turning here and there into which ever dark street didn’t look familiar. This was an adventure and I had the city to myself. All the way home I rode and contemplated how cool it would be to start a scooter gang. Surely, this must be how the first gang was formed way back before the police cornered the market on gangs.

-Clayton